Thursday Thirteen 1

Thirteen Things about Why I Knew It Wouldn't Last



1…..... We met through a friend. We were both visiting her in hospital after her appendix operation. I arrived with a new pair of warm, fluffy slippers (I knew she’d lost hers), magazines and flowers. He arrived at the same time, with a box of fudge for her which he proceeded to munch through while telling us about his appendix problems years ago.

2..... An hour into the appendix story, he finally got around to telling us it had actually been wind and proceeded to demonstrate it. He still hadn’t asked our friend how she was.

3..... He spent the next three months bombarding me with phone calls, telling me he wanted to date me. Get this- he wasn’t ‘asking me out on a date’, he was just telling me that he ‘wanted to date me, but he was checking his position’. Checking out the other women walking by first, more like it.

4..... I finally agreed to have a drink with him….to get him off my back. He took to a wine-bar where, I discovered later, his ex-wife was working. He got hideously plastered and spent the whole evening telling me how much he loves tall brunettes. I’m small and blonde. You’ll know what she was. I left after an hour.

5..... The first night I met him, he told me he had just got his pilot’s licence and that he spent most Saturdays flying. Months later, I kept asking him to take me flying and couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t. I thought he might be having an affair, so one day I followed him. He spent the whole day sitting on a station platform with his binoculars, notebook and a soggy sandwich. He wasn’t a pilot at all ; he was a train-spotter.

6..... Our first row happened when I refused to ‘iron his underwear’. He sent them out to the laundry to be ironed instead.

7..... He wore white socks with sandals in the summer. Short, ankle length white socks with his initials ‘V.N.C.S.’ embroidered in purple thread across the back.

8.....We went to the Bahamas for two weeks in July last year. The second day we were there, he stubbed his toe (the one with the in growing toe-nail) and hopped around like a baby for the rest of the day. The third day, he said he was too injured to go to the beach and spent the rest of the 11 days lying on a lounger on the hotel balcony. By the fourth day, I’d lost my patience. I spent the rest of the trip on the beach. Fabulous!

9..... He cried when Suddam Hussein was hung. Yet when his cat was run over the following week, he called me home from the dentist, telling me I had to take it to the vet because he was going to play golf.

10..... At first, I loved how good-looking he was but my feelings soon changed. I couldn’t stand the amount of time he spent checking himself in the mirror.

11..... He said he didn’t want me to meet his daughter because, not having kids of my own, I’d find her ‘difficult’. Then one day, by sheer accident, I did meet her and we clicked. The closer I became to her, the more jealous he became. He said ‘Why do you bother with her? I should be more important to you’…..She was six years old, by the way.

12..... I only discovered what his first initial –V- stood for when, just before we broke up, I read a letter that he’d kept from an ex. It’s Valvanus. Yes, that’s what I said.

13..... There were so many nights I lay beside him in bed wondering...........
Is this who I want to be with?




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